Rule of Christ Carefronting Policy

The Well UMC’s Rule of Christ Carefronting Policy for Raising Concerns and/or Resolving Conflict

First and foremost, please know that we care about you and we care about your concerns.  At The Well UMC we as a congregation commit to:

  • Starting with Love (Matthew 22:37-39) and following the steps outlined in Carefronting (Matthew 18:15-17) also known as the “Rule of Christ” to raise our concerns.

If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell the person – work it out between the two of you.  If the person listens, you’ve made a friend.  If the person won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.  If the person still won’t listen, tell the church.  If the person won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront the person with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.         – Matthew 18:15-17, The Message

  • By first starting with love for God, love for others and love for ourselves, we will find the safe space between us where there is common ground to resolve our concerns and differences, for we know that “without love” everything else we do for or with God is rendered useless.
  • Ultimately, taking time to understand and be fair with one another’s concerns and finding common ground in love allows us more time and energy to stay focused on the work God has set before us.

 

Guidelines for moving through each step:  When a concern or conflict arises within The Well UMC, each individual with a concern agrees to take the following steps:

Introduction: Start with a heart full of empathy, appreciation and love toward those who are working and worshipping alongside you.  Assume everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available. 

Step 1:  Personal Discernment – Discern God’s will for your concern.

  • Take time to pray and to discover whether your concern should be brought forward. Engage in self-reflective thinking on the situation, asking:
    • Can I let it go or do I need to work for resolution?
    • What part am I responsible for?
    • What does God want?

Step 2:  If after discernment you cannot “let go” of your concern, then talk to the person you have the concern with and share your concern with them in person.  If there is a power differential or safety concern you can enlist another neutral party to join the discussion.

  • Use these steps to Carefront with the other person bringing a loving spirit, praying for mutual resolution:
    • Be aware of your assumptions
    • Listen first to the other party
    • Share your view with “I” messages

Step 3:  If you still feel your concern was not heard please try again by bringing one or two other neutral parties to help facilitate and witness your conversation.

Step 4:  If your concern or conflict still exists after Steps 1-3, the pastor or members of the SPRC are happy to help.  Both parties should fill out the Carefronting Concerns Form to ensure all points of view are known.  (Forms are available in the church office or by email request to the SPRC).  Submit the completed forms to the church office, pastor, or SPRC.

Process after receiving Carefronting Concerns Forms:

  • SPRC (Staff Parish Relations Committee) chair will review your concern and place it on the agenda for discussion at the next scheduled SPRC meeting. The SPRC chair and pastor may request to meet with you in person prior to the meeting to help clarify your concern.
  • You and the other part(ies) will be offered the opportunity to attend the portion of the meeting where your concern will be discussed. You are not required to be present.
  • At the SPRC meeting:
    • Copies of the Carefronting Concerns Forms will be shared with all members.
    • Time will be given for the SPRC members to read and silently reflect.
    • Each SPRC member will have the opportunity to share their point of view. No comments are allowed during this time.
    • Then the conversation will be opened up for all to discuss with the focus on:
    • How can and/or should we help?
    • Possible solutions are…
    • SPRC will assist in producing and carrying out mutually agreed upon steps towards resolution
    • Agree on next steps
    • Assign responsibilities
    • Review the meeting and determine confidentiality and communications protocol
    • What (if anything) needs to be communicated to the congregation?

What will be communicated to the involved parties, and who will make that communication?

Carefront Concerns Form (Step 4) Rule of Christ

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